My journey with PCOS started when I was planning to get pregnant in 2006. Right after my marriage we planned for pregnancy in the second year. I was concerned since my periods were always irregular, this was an issue I was facing in my teens as well.
Once I visited the Gyno she broke the news to me, that I have PCOS, I was like what the hell is a PCOS? and then she explained to me (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), still looking clueless she explained further. PCOS is one of the most common hormonal endocrine disorders in women. “It affects 5-10% of women of childbearing age, with less than 50% of women diagnosed. PCOS is responsible for 70% of infertility issues in women who have difficulty ovulating.”
They symptoms of PCOS are:
- Abnormal hair growth
- Difficulty losing weight (obesity tends to run high in women with PCOS)
- Menstrual dysfunction (lack of periods, irregularity, lack of ovulation)
- Irregular hormones (testosterone (male hormones) tend to be a lot higher)
- Pelvic Pain
- Anxiety or depression
Hearing all this made me feel really low and depressed, I was then given “Glucophage” (Metformin) and “Duphaston” to balance my hormones and insulin levels. I remember leaving the clinic in tears and my husband trying his best to console me. I felt I failed our marriage by not been able to have a child. Felt out marriage was incomplete without a kid running around our home.
My biggest strength was my husband, who kept assuring me that it wasn’t important to have a child, but it was my health that was his priority and the rest can follow. My family was very assuring and kept giving me strength which I needed desperately at the time.
2007 I was trying very hard, Gyno visits, blood tests, ultra scans were becoming frequent, was under terrible pressure at work since I didn’t have the strength I used to, due to PCOS weight gain, hair loss, and foggy memory was a part of my life.
Work was getting very demanding as I was working for HR , workloads were getting more and annoying and nosy colleagues were getting on my nerves. I was getting angry at everything, I used to come home and take out my frustration on my husband and my family who have been so patiently understanding.
I used to get depressed seeing other pregnant women, who used to show off their bellies and glow with happiness.I would even avoid baby shower parties or kids birthday parties as it would only make me even more depressed and frustrated.
One particular visit my gyno had suggested I take Clomid to induce ovulation, I remember the first day I took these tablets and went to sleep, the next day I woke up bleeding heavily and messed the sheets so bad, which was unexpected. My husband woke up and saw me rushing to the loo to get changed and taking off the sheets. He took one look at me and said: “Enough is Enough!” “You need to stop this, stop pushing yourself so much you are going to kill yourself like this.” I love you no matter what, we don’t need a child, we have each other. Aren’t you happy with our life?” Hearing all this made me burst into tears was crying my heart out…
And then realised he was right, It was me who was pushing real hard for pregnancy , thinking something was missing, not realising I had the biggest blessing of all my husband, my soulmate, and my best friend. This was enough to complete me and my life, it was society’ pressure that made me think to have a baby was the only way to complete your life, but that is wrong, especially for those who find it hard to get pregnant and beat themselves up for this.
My advice would be is focus on your health first, eat healthily and be physically active, a 15-20 minute walk outdoors would do you good if your not the gymming type.
Ladies, for all of you trying to get pregnant and struggling, please remember your doing the best you can, don’t beat yourself up for this, and don’t fall for all the negative comments from society. We are so easily stereotyped by the society that we forget what actually makes us happy.
Look around you and count your blessings, you don’t need to have a child to complete you, you have your partner, family and loving friends who love you for who you are.